Hey Peta, China: Calm the Fuck Down!

Hey Roger Goodell, David Stern: Grow a pair!!

In the media maelstrom following Michael Vick's dog fighting indictment, I'm sure everyone from sponsors to executives to his momma have proffered their advice to the NFL commissioner. While he should take most of them under advisement, one opinion that shouldn't really figure into his decision is Peta's. Seriously, why is everyone stressing about what Peta has to say or what Peta is going to do?? Why is Trey Wingo on ESPN discussing Peta's reaction? Who the fuck cares, especially a network whose existence was, I'm sure, unknown to Peta before they started getting some press. Why is ESPN and the mainstream media legitimizing a protest by a group that is usually preoccupied with terrorizing the wardrobes of 100-pound women? Yes, animal rights are important and dogs shouldn't be abused for sport, but we can figure this out without Peta's input. So can the NFL and Arthur Blank and everyone else not in Michael Vick's entourage. Allegedly.

The NFL and the Falcons organization should take a page from Jean Paul Gaultier's playbook. When Peta protesters stormed the stage and tried to upstage his fashion show, Gaultier had security cover them with fur coats before taking them offstage. Genius. Now let's see if Roger Goodell has enough ingenuity and courage to take on a rabid non-fan base as a 55-year-old gay designer.

Similarly, David Stern needs to take a stand against another fascist group: China. Especially in light of Tim Donaghy's Jose Canseco-like effort to take down the NBA, David Stern needs to re-establish who really runs his league. Is he really going to allow Chinese officials to dictate where a just drafted player plays?? Only Kobe does that! The Commish should just tell China and Yi Jianlian to fuck off. Who needs whom more? The NBA will survive just fine without Yi. Yi, on the other hand, will become a forgotten footnote - a poor forgotten footnote - without the NBA and the millions and millions it has to offer.

So come on, men. Step up. Oh and let 'Sheed finish what he started.

On a Happier Note...

"Me and Mickey Mouse are going to be here forever!"
-Dwight Howard

Happy Birthday, Gisele! Love, Bridget

With all the hoopla over England's original WAG moving to the States, I started thinking about who is the ultimate WAG. Some candidates that came to mind were:

• Eva "I'm not Bridezilla" Longoria
• Vanessa "I forgive anything for some bling bling" Bryant
• Joumana "I will not only take down my husband but also the entire Nets organization" Kidd
• Jean "I will take EVERYTHING including my husband's masculinity" Strahan
• Jackie (No further explanation necessary) Christie

However, the one that superseded all other contenders in all other sports and raised the bar for future WAGs everywhere is none other than the outwardly wholesome Bridget Moynahan. The Queen Bee, as she will now be known, not only announced she was pregnant by her previously untarnished golden boy ex-boyfriend soon after he started dating the world's richest model, but she also retained her virtuous image and made him look like the bad guy for wanting to date the ultimate male fantasy. But the topper, the ultimate FUCK YOU to both Tom and Gisele...Her baby is due today, Gisele's birthday. You think that might cause a little rift between a couple? Jennifer Aniston is somewhere crying about how Bridget got all the karma in the world.

So let's check the scoreboard here:

• Bridget got the baby she always wanted, fathered by the guy she wanted, and she managed to look like the victim in the process.
• Tom got the supermodel he wanted, but forever shattered his perfect image. Forget his future political aspirations, his current image is what he needs to be thinking about. I'm sure Boston fans would have wholeheartedly forgiven him his baby-mama drama and welcomed him back with open arms, but...BUT...he wore a Yankees cap!!!!!!!! In public!!!!!!!! Yet another point for Bridget as Tom has seemingly lost his mind.
  

All Bridget needs to do is write a hit song about this and she'll be on par with Justin Timberlake on Bill Simmons's Vengeance Scale. So while we ponder Tom's once providential fate - seriously, Tom, what's going on with you?!?!? - we can only lift our glasses to the Queen as she awaits the arrival of her son on Gisele's birthday.

Fashion Flash

One of the reasons why I loved David Lee's shirt was that it was so unassuming. That's a trait I love about Dwyane Wade as well, which is evidenced here, here, and here.

Even though be was a burgeoning superstar, he never seemed to buy into his own hype.

However, at the BET Awards on June 26th, Dwyane wore a white blazer emblazoned with a flash, his Shaq-given moniker.

Now I don't know whether that was a one time hey-wouldn't-it-be-cool thing, but hopefully, it's not the start of something similar to Shaq stamping the Superman logo on anything and everything he owns. Don't get me wrong, I love Shaq, but Shaq is so uniquely his own charmingly constructed persona that to attempt to duplicate it just doesn't work.

That being said, I can't wait to see Dwyane at the ESPYs. And hopefully, he still doesn't have an entourage.

Everybody Wants to Be Like Lebron

Originally meant to be posted 2 weeks ago. My bad.

Basketball and politics are two subjects I'm passionate about -- I majored in poli sci and spent the majority a fair amount of time watching basketball -- but it's not often, especially in the Michael Jordan era, that these two topics merge. Well, leave it to the man currently bringing divergent groups of people together to bring these two topics together, too.

In a new book by David Mendell, Barack Obama is quoted at the 2004 Democratic National Convention saying,

"I'm Lebron, baby. I can play on this level. I got some game."

Initially, my reaction was just to chuckle...or is it giggle...Do girls chuckle? Anyway, the more I thought about it, the more prescient I found his statement to be. Remember, this was back in '04 when nobody outside of Illinois and the Democratic cognoscenti knew who Barack Obama was. He was a rookie senator about to take the national stage for the first time, as keynote speaker, no less! He was unproven but well hyped. Since then, you can say he's officially made the Leap, raising $32.5 million in one quarter and surpassing his rivals by at least $10 mil. Now the question remains: which Lebron will Barack be?

• Season 3 Lebron - He'll get a lot of press, make a lot of money, and be thisclose to reaching the next level, but he'll ultimately fail to make it out of the primary round.
  
• Season 4 Lebron - He'll demolish his Democratic rivals but get crushed by the behemoth from Texas.
• Season 5 Lebron???? - Perhaps President Obama will inspire his inspiration.

By the way, I'm still torn between Barack and Hillary.

Yao Ming to Marry his Super Tall Girlfriend and Have Super Bionic Babies

In accordance with the dreams of the Chinese government and David Stern, Yao and his girlfriend, Ye Li, are now engaged and set to marry in August. Ye Li is roughly 6'3" to 6'5", depending on whom you ask, and also a basketball player. They've been together for 8 years, but hopefully their genetically engineered progeny will populate the League for years to come. Can't wait til we hear the pitter patter of giant feet.

Congratulations, Yao and Ye!

The Second Coming

Congratulations to Lebron and his girlfriend on the birth of their second son, Bryce Maximus James!

His older brother is absolutely adorable and I have no doubt the lil' one will follow suit. I can't wait til we see Lebron, Jr. and Bryce vs. Zaire and Zion Wade.

The Unchosen One

More Boobie, please!!!

I'm not even a Cavs fan, but as a basketball fan, I'd like to see a more competitive, higher energy series, i.e., Boobie!!! I can't believe ratings for Game 1 are down 19% from last year! This is Lebron's first Finals! The 30% decline for Game 2 is understandable considering the Sopranos factor, but still... Maybe Lebron just needs more commercials. (I know it's been awhile since I've blogged, but I hope you know me well enough to detect the sarcasm.)

I'm going to Disneyland!!

And I didn't even win the Super Bowl. But seriously, Disneyland Paris, Super Bowl, and a bar in France showing the American feed of the game...best weekend ever!

By the way, if you ever want a lesson in futility, try explaining Super Bowl Sunday and buffalo wings to the French. Oh la la.

For all three NFL fans in France, the game is on France 2 (A regular channel! Yay!) at midnight.

My favorite commercial from last year: