Saturday, December 11, 2004
Jackie Christie: Crazier than Anna Nicole or Just Misunderstood?
For those of you unfamiliar with Mrs. Jackie Christie, let me fill you in. If you think Ron Artest can generate some bad publicity and controversy, wait til you meet Jackie Christie. I'm sorry but I have to refer to her by her full name lest anyone think she's not married to Doug Christie, Sacramento Kings, in which case she may whup yo' ass! I could probably devote a whole website to her and her crazy-ass/simply misunderstood antics, but that would probably take the rest of my life.
Most people were introduced to JC (I can't keep typing that whole name out) during a preseason Kings-Lakers game in 2002 at the height of their rivalry. During the playoffs in June of that year, the Kings were standing at the door of the Finals, literally right there, and then the 3 in Game 4. Fucking Robert Horry. Instead of going back to Sac up 3-1, the Kings ended up 2-2 and eventually lost the series. Well at the preseason exhibition game in October, Rick Fox and Doug Christie got into it on the floor. Balls were thrown (both literally and figuratively) and both Fox and Christie were kicked out of the game.
Here's the thing, if you look at it from a fight aspect, Doug clearly whupped Rick's ass. Please like it's that hard. If Vanessa Williams could do it... Anyway, instead of going back to his locker room, Fox ran behind the stands toward the Kings' tunnel and put Doug in a headlock. Jackie - the omnipresent figure that she is - jumped up out of her seat and started hitting Rick with her purse. Both benches emptied - actually only Shaq got up for Rick, the entire Kings bench got up for Doug. How surprising Kobe wasn't there. The only time he has people's backs is right before he's about to stab them in it. Anyway, despite the fact that Doug proved himself on the court, the fact that his wife got up and tried to help him...well, that was all the ammo Shaq and sportswriters needed. And thus the legend of Jackie Christie was born.
Since then, everyone's paid attention to the Christies' relationship and started noticing things that were...odd. Doug did (and still does) these hand signals after every shot, rebound, assist, breath, step. They are signals to his wife telling her "he loves her." Now most girls would say "Awww" to that except the fact that JC has alienated every female out there who isn't her own flesh and blood. JC doesn't let any woman - child, adult, single, married - near her husband. Sometimes she'll let a female reporter interview Doug but she better be RIGHT THERE holding his hand, watching like a hawk. Some women who worked for the Kings actually filed a lawsuit against them and the Christies because they claimed they were "wrongfully terminated" because of JC and the fact that she's a crazy ass, jealous bitch. Now I don't know if those were the exact words in the court document, but I'm just summarizing for you. The suit had some merit b/c JC didn't like and thus barred female staffers from the Kings locker room where her hubby might not have his shirt on and you know, girls might just lose control and start throwing themselves at him.
One valid point she has though is that infidelity is as prevalent in bball as the refs are. Even Saint MJ had paternity suits brought against him. Gold-diggers and just straight up skanks prowl the games, the hotels, and the clubs. JC's defense at all times is protecting her marriage and her family. In that sense, really how is she any different from Anna Benson? (Anna Benson is the former stripper/model - aren't they all - who was named by FHM as the Hottest Wife in Baseball. In the article, she said if her husband ever cheated on her, she would sleep with his entire team - the Mets - including players, coaches, groundskeepers, janitors, anyone she could find and she would also sleep with all of his opponents.) Now just think, if Anna Benson would do that, what do you think them hos still trying to land their Kobe would do?
And so the saga of Jackie Christie goes on. I'll write more later but I think you need to digest all this first or else you'll just say I'm making this up; unless of course you've been privy to the hand gestures, the beeline for each other after the buzzer sounds, the weddings they put on every year to celebrate their marriage...I mean it just goes on and on. Oh and if that weren't enough, Ms. Thang HAS HER OWN WEBSITE! When I saw the link, I was like Naw, it's too good to be true. But it's real! See it for yourself and decide, Jackie Christie: Crazy or Misunderstood?
PS. The heart logo on her website is also the tattoo that Doug and Jackie have on their hands. Matching tattoos and everything. Seriously, it just goes on and on.