Wishing You a G.O. Christmas

This is the Christmas card I would have sent had any of my friends actually known who Greg Oden was. My best friend is trying to learn, though, and even watched a "Texas Spurs" game. Even more shocking, she's agreed to watch the "Denver Patriots" play the Giants this Saturday. One of my cousins, who just moved to Pennsylvania, is a bit better, though, and said she'd try to go to "a Pittsburgh 76ers game." Sigh. And therein lies the reason I started this blog, which I realize I haven't written in forever, but I will be better in the new year.

Anyway, Merry Christmas!! Eat, drink...I would say don't drink and drive, but if you do, you'll only go to jail for 82 minutes anyway, so whatever. JUST KIDDING!!! Calm down. Seriously though, have a wonderful holiday. Stay warm. Special shout-out to the Heat, who have to endure the indignity of spending the day in Cleveland instead of Miami. I guess it really is Lebron's world.

Hey Big Spender

According to TMZ, Kobe dropped $21,000 at Blush, a new club at the Wynn, on Friday night. This wasn't a display of magnanimity, but rather a good old-fashioned pissing contest between Kobe and poker player Antonio Esfandiari. It all started when Esfandiari paid for two bottles of Cristal. What nerve! TMZ reports,

"Kobe wasn't about to be shown up by some puny little card player -- and kicked in for five bottles. Antonio, who's used to upping the ante, then switched his order to ten! Kobe ended the competition when he purchased an astounding 15 bottles -- and then left the club!"

No wonder Esfandiari is called The Magician. He magically made $35,000 disappear. It's moments like these that make me really appreciate Micky Arison. Despite his net worth being worth more than the salaries of all the players in the League combined, his flashiest adornment is his tan...and maybe the 2006 NBA Championship ring. Just goes to show that you can't buy taste.

Photo Source: TMZ

Why Lebron Played Extra Special Tonight

In tonight's game against Uruguay, Lebron scored 26 points, making all 11 of his shots in the process. While some may attribute this to his sterling work ethic - Lebron would never mail in a game - the more likely reason was the presence of two people in the crowd of thousands maybe 2,000. Okay 1,000.

Jay Z and Beyonce watched Team USA beat Uruguay 118-79. As a tribute, Lebron threw up the roc, something he hadn't been doing (thankfully) as much during the tournament.

I just don't get the point of the whole roc thing. First of all, it's a Pilates move. I can never remember the names of all the moves, so I just give them my own names, such as "Jesus H" and "no way in hell." Anyway, there's one exercise on the reformer - I think the original name is shaving or shave to the head or something - where you make a triangle with your hands on your forehead and then extend your arms at a 45 degree angle. When my Pilates instructor first showed me, I just called it the roc to make it easier. Finally, she was like, "Why do you keep calling it that?" So I explained to her that it's an asinine thing Jay Z does that he gets all his followers to do, too. She then asked me why, to which I responded I don't know. So I'll ask this time, why? What's the point of throwing up the roc? And what makes it any different from Doug Christie's hand signals to Jackie? They're both meaningless and insipid and worst of all, unoriginal. It makes the headbop look inspired.

Okay, back to the game. It was close there for a hot second. Carmelo sat out because of his heel. Amare continues to shoot 3's and discovers yet another way to piss Shaun Marion off. Tyson Chandler got some playing time. Despite being down 30, the entire Uruguayan bench stood up and cheered when one of their players pulled down a rebound over 3 USA players. Did I mention the guy was 5'9?

This was the closest game in that it was the longest Team USA had gone without the lead. Tomorrow's game vs Argentina should be even better.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

What's Stronger Than Oak?

Not me, not you, and not Charles Barkley.

Charley Oakley was on PTI yesterday looking fit and scaring the crap out of everybody. I will never question his physical ability again. His mental health, maybe, but his physical ability never.

Here are some of the highlights from his interview:

• "If somebody call me, I'm ready to go at any time."
• When Mike Wilbon referred to Charles Barkley's quote about old guys thinking about coming back - People forget why these guys retired in the first place is because they weren't good anymore. - the Oak got a gleam in his eye and responded with, "He talk more now, he ain't said nothing when he played the game...He couldn't come back, right now. He's about 450. When he see me, we'll talk about that personally me and him. When he hears this interview, he'll know. When I see him, he gonna go the other way."
• About what he can bring to a team: "I can bring a lot to a team. Just my presence. I didn't win a championship but I've been to the Finals. I've been around great players who played the game. (Cue video of him with Michael Jordan.) Great coaches. I can bring a lot of influence. And that's what a lot of teams need - detail. You know, like a car wash. Manicure." Then he said something about a flower bed. I think he was still talking about a car wash.
• "I can at least make 28 of the 30 teams."
• Then, Tony got to the real possible reason of Oak's sudden desire to come back - he's writing a book. When Tony asked if Oak's return was because of his book, Oak responded, "Mmm, it's gonna be my whole career. I'm missing a couple chapters. I think Barkley just took one. If I don't come back, I'm gonna finish the book soon."
• Back to Barkley, Oak said he'd give him a car wash, but won't clean out his car because of all the donut boxes in the back.
• Of Reggie Miller: "He's a pioneer to the game. He's a class act, but he dress like Pee Wee Herman." (Cue photo of Reggie in a skinny gray suit.)
• Finally, Tony and Mike asked Oak to assess his chances of actually playing in the NBA next season. Oak gave it a "6 or 7. You never know."

If Oak comes back, who do you think he would slap first? More so than Orlando, I think Dallas needs him. Finally, Avery would have a player as tough as he is. And we might finally see Mark Cuban get slapped, especially if he wears his Dancing with the Stars costume to a game. Yeah, we need Oak back in the League.

Close(r) Call for Team USA

Team USA beat Mexico 127-100. It's the closest margin of victory thus far for the Americans. An impressive victory nonetheless, that is, until you see who anchored, literally, Team Mexico. To your right is the starting center for Mexico, Horacio Llamas. According to Wikipedia, he's "the best center Mexico has ever produced." To me, he's more of a (Kings era) Vlade Divac / (any era) Eddy Curry hybrid. At least we can take comfort in knowing that Argentina, the only other undefeated team, only beat Mexico by 21 points.

You gotta give him style points though. Look at him rockin the two-toned sweatband, the black tights, and the white knee socks. Less (we see) is definitely more (to our benefit).

Update: Lang Whitaker describes Horacio as having " the body of John Goodman and the style sense of Turtle from 'Entourage.'" (I don't watch Entourage, but I can only assume a 'Turtle' isn't very attractive.) Also, those aren't Dwyane Wade-style tights, but rather kneepads. Oh Horacio.

I'm just going to copy and paste some of Lang's other observations about Horacio here because they're hilarious, but to read them in full, click HERE.

• On a lot plays, Llamas just ends up standing still as everyone runs past him in either direction.
• Lamas takes a dribble to his right, then tries to go behind the back with a dribble. This confuses his own body so much that he ends up falling over onto his butt and turning it over. Nolan Richardson takes him out.
• USA lobs it inside to Howard and Llamas just grabs him. If a chair had magically appeared on the court at that moment, Llamas would have immediately taken a seat. The man is completely exhausted.
• Llamas!! I think he just polished off a pizza and large order of nachos while on the bench.
• Kobe drives and Llamas swats the shot! That’s what a rested Llamas brings to the game.
• After 90 seconds, Llamas is removed from the game, totally gassed.

Photo Source: FIBA Americas

Manolo Cintron Van Gundy

He's saying Pat Riley tried to push him out, too.

Leandro: Still Lookin' For His Balls

Halftime in the Brazil-Puerto Rico game and the Brazilians are down 28-39. The game's not being televised but you can watch a live feed through NBA.com. Right now, I think Leandro is 1 for 9. C'mon Leandro!!

In an earlier televised game, Canada eked out a win against Uruguay. For some reason, Canada kept prolonging the game by needlessly fouling when they were the team up by 6 with less than a minute remaining. Umm, good job, Canada?

Update:

• 4:37 left in the 3rd quarter, Brazil down 39-52.
  
• Leandro actually has 12 points.
  
• Puerto Rico's coach, Manolo Cintron, looks like the Puerto Rican Stan Van Gundy.
  

Aww Leandro!

How can you not love Leandrinho?

Tayshaun's baby-faced Brazilian counterpart, Leandro Barbosa (left), who has been carrying the load for his team, was held to just 4 points tonight. Poor Leandro. Following the loss, he said,

"I knew that [Kobe] was going to come up and defense me and guard me like he did and all I was trying to do was get the ball, but I didn't have many balls in my hand. But that's OK. It's about tomorrow now, let's forget about this."

Hopefully, little Leandro is able to get more balls in his hand tomorrow against Puerto Rico.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Game 4: Team USA vs Brazil

Look who's waiting for you, Leandro!

Tonight at 6pm PST (early!):
Team USA vs Brazil
ESPN2

Update: Actually, it's NOT starting at 6pm because of a WNBA game. Sorry! Seriously, are you kidding me?

Update #2: Okay, the score is 8-0 so we haven't missed much, but just as I hate to miss the previews before movies, I don't like missing the beginnings of games!

Update #3: The crowd is chanting "Kobe." Is it too late to switch back to the WNBA game?

Update #4: :)

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Thou Shalt Not Take Sheed's Name in Vain

Ode to Photoshop Eva

Oh Eva, Eva. Your beauty is as wondrous as the computer it was created on. As flawless as the graphic designer who toiled to make it just so. Some people look at you and see perfection, but Tony looks at you and sees dark circles and malnutrition.

I recently catalogued my magazine collection and I have over 200 back issues of Vogue, W, and Vanity Fair. (For those of you who don't know me, that's only the tip of the crazy meter. They are all in perfect or near-perfect condition.) I love the pictures, clothes, articles, everything. However, I am well aware of the power of those images to fuck a girl up, especially if she starts thinking those images are real. Well, they're not. Even with the best makeup artists, photographers, lighting, etc, Eva Longoria's never going to look like Eva Longoria without Photoshop. So, girls. Don't feel bad about yourselves when you can make those getting paid a shitload of money to feel bad about themselves. Hello! They can afford the therapy. And guys, always make sure you know what a girl looks like in the morning. And love her all the more.

Addendum: My friend's mom told me that guys also better look at a girl's childhood pictures because you never know who's had what done! LOL. Mama knows best!!

Photo Source: iWANEX Studio (there's more where that came from) via Dlisted

More Gatorade

While we're on the subject of Joakim Noah, I thought I'd finally do a profile on him. However, it's not often that an NBA parent outshines his son in fame or female fans. So rather, this is a post on NBA's Finest father-son tandem: Yannick and Joakim Noah.

Yannick Noah - the man pictured here in his underwear, as he is throughout billboards in France - is a living legend. After winning the French Open in front of a title-starved home crowd, he married (and divorced) Miss Sweden, and remade himself into a pop idol and cultural icon. At 47, he's filling up concert venues throughout Europe and campaigning with presidential hopefuls during his spare time.

Son, those are some mighty big shoes to fill. But Joakim's not doing too badly himself.

2006 Most Outstanding Player of the Final Four
2006 Most Outstanding Dancer of the Final Four*
2007 9th overall pick by the Chicago Bulls
2007 Most Distinguished Dancer of the Rookie Photo Shoot**

*By outstanding, I mean enthusiastic.
**By distinguished, I mean interesting.

Personally, much like Corey Brewer, I think Joakim's pretty fantastic with a capital F. He's just cool. So cool, that he could wear a bow tied seersucker suit and still look good. He reminds me of Terrence Howard (before he lost his mind) as Spaceman in Sunset Park. He also has that "man in a park without a care or worry" Andy Dufresne stroll - you know, before he was raped by the Sisters. Luckily, I don't think that's something Joakim has to worry about in Chicago, no matter how pretty he is. I find him to be immensely watchable and, after Kevin Durant, the rookie I'm most excited to see. Until then, this will have to tide me over:

Photo Source: Sloggi, NBAE/Getty Images

Kobe Clarifies Questions About Wife

Yes, she can read. At a 5th grade level no less!

Further dispelling rumors that he and Vanessa are headed for divorce, Kobe told Jimmy Kimmel their fights are actually about rape Harry Potter. She reads the books, he watches the movies, she then tries to spoil the movie. Would that I could be a fly on the wall during those discussions.

While Kobe was busy showing that he's a big nerd who names his dog Dumbledore (Mamba my ass! More like Dumbledork), Kimmel showed his complete lack of soccer knowledge. When Kobe said his favorite athlete was Ronaldinho, Kimmel first responded "who?" before asking if he was retired. Seriously, even Posh knows who Ronaldinho is. Then again, it might just have been the way Kobe said it. He tried the whole I-can-speak-a-foreign-language accent. Whatever, Madonna. You can watch it here. Meanwhile, Kimmel-ites can watch the one and only Ronaldinho here.

Mom to Watch: Ann Iverson

An oldie, but a goodie. The clip, not his mom!! I love you, Mrs. Iverson!

Message to Reggie Miller and Charles Oakley

Photo Source: Wire Image

Photo Source: Deadspin

Basketball Without Borders: France

Ronny Turiaf (Lakers), Boris Diaw (Suns), Yakhouba Diawara (Denver Nuggets), and Mickael Pietrus (Warriors) show their true bleu colors in Paris, minus their compatriot Tony Parker, who bowed out due to injury. Also in attendance were Luol Deng (Bulls), Chris Duhon (Bulls), and Bo Outlaw (Magic).

Did you know Boris's middle name is Babacar? Mrs. Boris Babacar Diaw. Just kidding. I don't want to be had (p110). I'd rather be Mrs. Chukwuemeka Ndubuisi Okafor. Incidentally, Emeka will be at the next BWB camp in South Africa!! I'm so jealous. I've wanted to go to Johannesburg forever. If anyone wants to see a really good documentary about South Africa, watch Amandla. It traces the struggle against apartheid through song. The music is absolutely amazing.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

The T-Wolves: So Young And Yet Still So Unhip

The Timberwolves held a press conference yesterday to unveil their new young, sexy lineup. One of the attendees was Craig Smith, a 24-year-old out of Boston College who's entering his 2nd year in the NBA.


As if to show that Kevin McHale isn't the only out-of-touch member on the team, Smith wore a Vote for Pedro shirt. A must-have item...3 years ago. It'll look nice sitting next to one of Kevin's sweaters. Gotta love the new look T-wolves!

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

NBA Parent Rank

While I look for my NBA Rookies tape, I thought I'd make a fun little NBA Parent ranking. These are just some people who've impressed, amused, or inspired me. I think they serve as a good counter-model to Hollywood/sports parents who, because of their child's earning potential, forget the role they're supposed to play. The parents listed here are also probably the closest to my Mom, who wasn't afraid to kick a little ass (both literally and figuratively) when need be.

I may revisit this list for future posts before the season starts. 84 days and counting...

Previous posts: Shirley Garnett, John Nash

Babies!

Awww!

I love seeing athletes play the role of Daddy. Big, strong men with babies, in general, is one of the most endearing sights but it's that much sweeter when they're with their own. Two examples here are Dwyane Wade with son Zaire and Tracy McGrady with son Laymen. How cute is baby T-Mac??? And Z. Wade is growing up fast. Here's the last picture I saw of him. Dwyane brought Zaire with him to an appearance at Cottage Grove Middle School in Ford Heights, Illinois and Tracy brought Laymen to his charity softball tournament in Houston.

Also, I watched The Run: Steve Nash on NBA TV the other day and Steve has the cutest little twin girls, Lola and Bella. They were prancing around the locker room in little fairy outfits while Steve was asking for a "besito." Too cute.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

NBA Political Contributions

There's a fun little thing on Huffington Post that allows you to see who's giving what to whom. It lets you track donations by either name or address. I thought I'd try some NBA names and see who popped up. So far, Barack Obama is leading the race in the NBA. Here are the results:

Execs:
David Stern (Ruler): $4600 to Hillary Clinton
Billy King (Sixers): $4600 to Barack Obama
Jerry Colangelo (Suns): $2300 to John McCain
Robert Sarver (Suns): $2100 to McCain
Wyc Grousbeck (Celtics): $4600 to Barack and $2300 to Mitt Romney
Danny Ainge (Celtics): $2300 to Romney
James Dolan (Knicks): $2300 to Hillary
Magic Johnson: $2300 to Barack

Players:
Stephon Marbury: $2300 to Barack
Baron Davis: $2300 to Barack
Grant Hill: $2300 to Barack

Others:
Ahmad Rashad: $2300 to Barack
Arn Tellem (Agent): $2300 to Barack

A lot of the "superstars" - Kobe, Lebron, Dwyane, KG, AI, Tracy - haven't given anything. I wasn't surprised by that, but I thought I'd at least see Adonal "Democracy Matters" Foyle or Charles Barkley on the list. I was surprised to see Steph on there. Perhaps I've underestimated him.

There were 4 listings for Michael Jordan - 3 that couldn't be him and 1 that might. The one that might is retired from Washington DC and gave $2100 to Barack.

Anyway, try it out. It's kind of stalkerish in that it lists the address of the donor, too. So whether you're interested in politics or stalking, here's the tool for you.

Big Earl Smith and Linda Shanklin: The New Sheriffs in Town

Recovered post from July 13, 2005.

Iggy and Mom

I don't care if you're Andre Iguodala or Horace Jenkins. Your parents need to come with your ass to whatever city you end up.

End of original post.

So I thought I'd finish this post, but I have no idea what I was going to say. I vaguely recall that I started writing this after watching an episode of NBA Rookies and thinking that Andre's mom and JR's dad were two of the coolest, most level-headed parents around. I remember taping the show - this is before I went DVR - but I have like 30 tapes from the past 2 years that I'd have to go through in order to find that episode. Hopefully, a few of them are labeled. If I ever manage to find the tape and recover my train of thought, I'll finish this post.

Art Imitating Life

Rick Fox is getting ugly, as in Ugly Betty, a great show I discovered a whole 2 months ago. Next, I'll hear that Pluto is no longer a planet. Can you tell I have my finger on the pulse? I didn't realize that when I moved to France, I'd be moving back in time. Just kidding. Kind of. :)

I actually had one of the best experiences of my life living in France and I'd highly encourage it to anyone with even a modicum of interest. I never understood players who thought playing overseas was a death sentence. Yeah, it's not the NBA and you don't make NBA money, but you can really make a nice life for yourself. Look at Mike D'Antoni, Joe Bryant, and Tony Parker, Sr. I'm loathe to agree with anything Stephon Marbury says, but I totally see his point about moving to Italy after his NBA days are over...except for the whole David Beckham analogy. Who you kidding, Steph?

Anyway, how did I get on this topic? What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Rick Fox. His ex-WAG, Ms. Wilhelmina Slater herself, took pity and got him a role as her bodyguard for the upcoming season. It's nice to know that all pro-athlete marriages don't end with the scorched earth policy preferred by the likes of Joumana Kidd and Jean Strahan.

Source
Photo Source: Wire Image

The New and Improved Kyle Korver

I'm thoroughly enjoying Kyle Korver's transformation into the Angelina Jolie of the NBA. Not that he's out adopting kids from all over the world or anything, but in his commitment to charity work at home and abroad. When Kyle participated in Basketball Without Borders China in '05 (above, right), I thought he was doing it because he was relatively new to the League and well, David Stern made him. I figured it was a one-shot deal and then we wouldn't hear from him until he turned up in Page Six with Tara Reid. But since then, he's organized a coat drive in Philly and returned to BWB in Brazil (above, left). It's nice to know he's not just a pretty face.

Additionally, his teammate Sam Dalembert deserves major props. Not only in Sam participating in BWB Brazil, he's also going to the European camp in Paris afterward. Sam has also raised tens of thousands of dollars for his native Haiti. One thing we can say about the Sixers - there's a lot of character on that team.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Basketball Without Borders: Brazil

The official "I'm in Brazil" pose.

The NBA's finest Brazilians - Anderson Varejao (Cavs), Nene Hilario (Nuggets), Leandro Barbosa (Suns), and Rafael Araujo (Jazz) - played host to their fellow players at the latest Basketball Without Borders camp. Some of the attendees included Samuel Dalembert (Sixers), Kyle Korver (Sixers), Shaun Marion (Suns), James Jones (Suns), Luke Walton (Lakers), and Sam Perkins (still alive).

I love the idea of BWB, as I've previously written here and here. But then again, I'm predisposed to like anything involving travel. I just think it's good for young, rich players to see parts of the world they may not otherwise have been motivated to go see, and they also get the benefit of seeing it from a native perspective. Plus, it's totally cool for the kids. One of the kids I met in France was telling me how he was totally excited to meet Boris Diaw this year. I told him not to forget the croissants. (I was thinking of the classic Mike D'Antoni quote from SI. When told during training camp that the French forward hadn't picked up a basketball all summer, D'Antoni quipped, "That didn't mean he had to pick up every croissant in France, did it?") Poor Bobo. It must be pretty tempting since he's a spokesman for La Mie Caline, a yuuuummy boulangerie, and for Kinder Bueno chocolate. Okay, maybe he just needs to rethink his endorsements.



Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

More KG Trade Aftermath: The Saddest Person...

...is the one left behind.

Mark "Mad Dog" Madsen, the ultimate of sidekicks, the pet to two of the biggest alpha dogs in the league - Shaq Daddy and KG - is now looking for a new owner teammate to support.

He started off his blog by saying, "Today I got the unimaginable news that Kevin Garnett was traded to the Boston Celtics." He recounts some fond KG memories before wishing him well and going off to cry in the corner.

People, we must act soon. Guys like Mark Madsen can only exist so long as they have someone to cheer, support, and love and who will, in return, tolerate them back. He only exists by association!!! We need to get a superstar to Minny STAT or else send him somewhere like Phoenix. Hey Peta, this Dog needs a home!

Now Introducing Kevin Garnett, Red Sox Fan

Celtics fans, it's okay to like Kevin Garnett. He's a Red Sox fan. Or rather, a Red Sox hat fan. Now that that's clear, we may actually be able to talk about basketball in Boston.

At the press conference introducing KG, Danny Ainge went out of his way to clearly delineate KG's loyalties. After Kevin was asked why he decided to let the trade happen, Ainge said,

"The real reason he didn't tell you, is that he has a Red Sox baseball hat collection. He has a tough time wearing those except when he comes to Boston so now he can break out his Red Sox hat collection. He is a big time Red Sox baseball fan."

What a relief. Now just so there's no confusion, Kevin Garnett is a Red Sox baseball fan. And he likes Boston. After his Red Sox comments, Ainge continued with his KG-loves-Boston tirade:

"There was a lot of reports out there of KG not wanting to come to Boston...Those are all false reports. There was a team or two that he liked better than our situation...It had nothing to do with the city of Boston in any way, shape, or form...All the reports out there were false."

Translation: Boston media, be nice to KG.

Photo Source: AP

Drinkin That Gatorade

Joakim's next...

Good Guys in the NBA is Not an Oxymoron

Here are two examples of that:

In Buenos Aires, Manu held a clinic for mentally handicapped children. And in Portland, Channing volunteered at Friends of the Children, a mentoring organization. How adorable are those kids! And there's nothing sweeter or more attractive than seeing grown men interacting with children. Good job, boys!

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Rookies '07

The rookies gathered yesterday in Greenwich, Connecticut for some NBA Live '08 and the Rookie Photo Shoot. Here are some who stood out.

I've always wondered - if the incoming rookie is clearly the best player on the team, does he still get hazed? Did Lebron ever have to pick up towels or carry all the equipment to the plane? And who's the worst hazer in the NBA? I'm thinking Shaq...or maybe Kobe. I think Shaq would be the most fun and make you do the silliest things. Kobe seems like he'd make you walk to Brooklyn to get him a cheesecake...from LA. I need to check this out.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

The Man Who Chases Paparazzi (Hint: Not Kevin Federline)

So guess who decided to join the Michael Vick fray?

Al Sharpton signed a Peta letter that said, "Hurting animals for human pleasure or gain is despicable." What about hurting people for your own gain??? Correct me if I'm wrong, but has he apologized to the Duke lax players yet? Didn't that teach him to keep his sizable trap shut until all the evidence is in?

By the way, Al, you know what sports fans hate the most? People who jump on the bandwagon! So please, jump off and fuck off.

Ass.

Manners, Highlights Style

Gallant vs. Goofus

What's different about these pictures?

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Double Asterisk?

Poor Spurs. When did they become the Barry Bonds of the NBA?

First, Phil Jackson says their 1999 championship should have an asterisk because it happened during the lockout shortened season. Now, in light of Tim Donaghy's bumblings, Suns fans want yet another asterisk placed on a Spurs championship.

I feel for Suns fans, really I do, but I'm sort of over this whole Donaghy thing already. He's an addict who lost control. It happens. Look at Lindsay Lohan. I would hardly call him a "rogue criminal" as if he's some mastermind on par with Kim Jong-Il. Half-a-mind is a more accurate description. If anything, Donaghy is now forcing the NBA to really look at a problem that existed before him and needed to be addressed. Now it is. Let's move on and let the CIA, FBI, and whomever else David Stern has on staff deal with everything else. By the way, I love how Bill Simmons is being hailed as some sort of NBA Nostradamus. He listed the names of the officials of a game he felt was badly officiated - something he's done in the past - but because one of the names listed was Donaghy, he's apparently now a genius. He's about as prescient as Miss Cleo. Now if Bennett Salvatore is ever implicated for game fixing, I'll pay for Simmons's infomercial myself.

Anyway, we just have to accept the fact that the Spurs are a propitious team. (Chance favors the prepared mind. -Louis Pasteur) Suns fans have to get in line behind '02 Kings fans who are still waiting behind '00 Democrats. Really, this is all Bush's fault. :)

The David Beckham Appeal: A Lesson for NBA Players

Dedicated to my gay boyfriend, who's listened to more than his fair share of rants about games, teams, and players of which he knows not, and who I've neglected in favor of Summer League. David Beckham is the one sports figure who we've been able to have a two-sided conversation about and for that, I am grateful and hopeful for the future. I may get him to a sporting event yet that doesn't involve men's gymnastics!

Team USA

The Best of the Best.

Kevin Durant: What can I say?? He's going to leave the League better than he found it.

Tyson Chandler: Was he always this hot?

Dwight Howard: I was always kind of upset that he went #1 over Emeka - seriously, the most beautiful man alive - but he's proven himself worthy of the pick and more. His physique is ridiculous and he's grown into quite The Man. His arms are the best in the biz right now.

First game: August 22nd, against Venezuela

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Hey Peta, China: Calm the Fuck Down!

Hey Roger Goodell, David Stern: Grow a pair!!

In the media maelstrom following Michael Vick's dog fighting indictment, I'm sure everyone from sponsors to executives to his momma have proffered their advice to the NFL commissioner. While he should take most of them under advisement, one opinion that shouldn't really figure into his decision is Peta's. Seriously, why is everyone stressing about what Peta has to say or what Peta is going to do?? Why is Trey Wingo on ESPN discussing Peta's reaction? Who the fuck cares, especially a network whose existence was, I'm sure, unknown to Peta before they started getting some press. Why is ESPN and the mainstream media legitimizing a protest by a group that is usually preoccupied with terrorizing the wardrobes of 100-pound women? Yes, animal rights are important and dogs shouldn't be abused for sport, but we can figure this out without Peta's input. So can the NFL and Arthur Blank and everyone else not in Michael Vick's entourage. Allegedly.

The NFL and the Falcons organization should take a page from Jean Paul Gaultier's playbook. When Peta protesters stormed the stage and tried to upstage his fashion show, Gaultier had security cover them with fur coats before taking them offstage. Genius. Now let's see if Roger Goodell has enough ingenuity and courage to take on a rabid non-fan base as a 55-year-old gay designer.

Similarly, David Stern needs to take a stand against another fascist group: China. Especially in light of Tim Donaghy's Jose Canseco-like effort to take down the NBA, David Stern needs to re-establish who really runs his league. Is he really going to allow Chinese officials to dictate where a just drafted player plays?? Only Kobe does that! The Commish should just tell China and Yi Jianlian to fuck off. Who needs whom more? The NBA will survive just fine without Yi. Yi, on the other hand, will become a forgotten footnote - a poor forgotten footnote - without the NBA and the millions and millions it has to offer.

So come on, men. Step up. Oh and let 'Sheed finish what he started.

On a Happier Note...

"Me and Mickey Mouse are going to be here forever!"
-Dwight Howard

Happy Birthday, Gisele! Love, Bridget

With all the hoopla over England's original WAG moving to the States, I started thinking about who is the ultimate WAG. Some candidates that came to mind were:

• Eva "I'm not Bridezilla" Longoria
• Vanessa "I forgive anything for some bling bling" Bryant
• Joumana "I will not only take down my husband but also the entire Nets organization" Kidd
• Jean "I will take EVERYTHING including my husband's masculinity" Strahan
• Jackie (No further explanation necessary) Christie

However, the one that superseded all other contenders in all other sports and raised the bar for future WAGs everywhere is none other than the outwardly wholesome Bridget Moynahan. The Queen Bee, as she will now be known, not only announced she was pregnant by her previously untarnished golden boy ex-boyfriend soon after he started dating the world's richest model, but she also retained her virtuous image and made him look like the bad guy for wanting to date the ultimate male fantasy. But the topper, the ultimate FUCK YOU to both Tom and Gisele...Her baby is due today, Gisele's birthday. You think that might cause a little rift between a couple? Jennifer Aniston is somewhere crying about how Bridget got all the karma in the world.

So let's check the scoreboard here:

• Bridget got the baby she always wanted, fathered by the guy she wanted, and she managed to look like the victim in the process.
• Tom got the supermodel he wanted, but forever shattered his perfect image. Forget his future political aspirations, his current image is what he needs to be thinking about. I'm sure Boston fans would have wholeheartedly forgiven him his baby-mama drama and welcomed him back with open arms, but...BUT...he wore a Yankees cap!!!!!!!! In public!!!!!!!! Yet another point for Bridget as Tom has seemingly lost his mind.
  

All Bridget needs to do is write a hit song about this and she'll be on par with Justin Timberlake on Bill Simmons's Vengeance Scale. So while we ponder Tom's once providential fate - seriously, Tom, what's going on with you?!?!? - we can only lift our glasses to the Queen as she awaits the arrival of her son on Gisele's birthday.

Fashion Flash

One of the reasons why I loved David Lee's shirt was that it was so unassuming. That's a trait I love about Dwyane Wade as well, which is evidenced here, here, and here.

Even though be was a burgeoning superstar, he never seemed to buy into his own hype.

However, at the BET Awards on June 26th, Dwyane wore a white blazer emblazoned with a flash, his Shaq-given moniker.

Now I don't know whether that was a one time hey-wouldn't-it-be-cool thing, but hopefully, it's not the start of something similar to Shaq stamping the Superman logo on anything and everything he owns. Don't get me wrong, I love Shaq, but Shaq is so uniquely his own charmingly constructed persona that to attempt to duplicate it just doesn't work.

That being said, I can't wait to see Dwyane at the ESPYs. And hopefully, he still doesn't have an entourage.

Everybody Wants to Be Like Lebron

Originally meant to be posted 2 weeks ago. My bad.

Basketball and politics are two subjects I'm passionate about -- I majored in poli sci and spent the majority a fair amount of time watching basketball -- but it's not often, especially in the Michael Jordan era, that these two topics merge. Well, leave it to the man currently bringing divergent groups of people together to bring these two topics together, too.

In a new book by David Mendell, Barack Obama is quoted at the 2004 Democratic National Convention saying,

"I'm Lebron, baby. I can play on this level. I got some game."

Initially, my reaction was just to chuckle...or is it giggle...Do girls chuckle? Anyway, the more I thought about it, the more prescient I found his statement to be. Remember, this was back in '04 when nobody outside of Illinois and the Democratic cognoscenti knew who Barack Obama was. He was a rookie senator about to take the national stage for the first time, as keynote speaker, no less! He was unproven but well hyped. Since then, you can say he's officially made the Leap, raising $32.5 million in one quarter and surpassing his rivals by at least $10 mil. Now the question remains: which Lebron will Barack be?

• Season 3 Lebron - He'll get a lot of press, make a lot of money, and be thisclose to reaching the next level, but he'll ultimately fail to make it out of the primary round.
  
• Season 4 Lebron - He'll demolish his Democratic rivals but get crushed by the behemoth from Texas.
• Season 5 Lebron???? - Perhaps President Obama will inspire his inspiration.

By the way, I'm still torn between Barack and Hillary.

Yao Ming to Marry his Super Tall Girlfriend and Have Super Bionic Babies

In accordance with the dreams of the Chinese government and David Stern, Yao and his girlfriend, Ye Li, are now engaged and set to marry in August. Ye Li is roughly 6'3" to 6'5", depending on whom you ask, and also a basketball player. They've been together for 8 years, but hopefully their genetically engineered progeny will populate the League for years to come. Can't wait til we hear the pitter patter of giant feet.

Congratulations, Yao and Ye!

The Second Coming

Congratulations to Lebron and his girlfriend on the birth of their second son, Bryce Maximus James!

His older brother is absolutely adorable and I have no doubt the lil' one will follow suit. I can't wait til we see Lebron, Jr. and Bryce vs. Zaire and Zion Wade.

The Unchosen One

More Boobie, please!!!

I'm not even a Cavs fan, but as a basketball fan, I'd like to see a more competitive, higher energy series, i.e., Boobie!!! I can't believe ratings for Game 1 are down 19% from last year! This is Lebron's first Finals! The 30% decline for Game 2 is understandable considering the Sopranos factor, but still... Maybe Lebron just needs more commercials. (I know it's been awhile since I've blogged, but I hope you know me well enough to detect the sarcasm.)

I'm going to Disneyland!!

And I didn't even win the Super Bowl. But seriously, Disneyland Paris, Super Bowl, and a bar in France showing the American feed of the game...best weekend ever!

By the way, if you ever want a lesson in futility, try explaining Super Bowl Sunday and buffalo wings to the French. Oh la la.

For all three NFL fans in France, the game is on France 2 (A regular channel! Yay!) at midnight.

My favorite commercial from last year:

Bonjour from France

By the way, did I mention I moved to France a couple months ago? Hence, the lack of posts as France is not as basketball mad as Tony Parker's publicist leads us to believe. It also doesn't help that I live in the tiniest of towns and I only recently found a cafe offering WiFi. But, as the picture can attest to, it's absolutely lovely.

I haven't forgotten you!!! I just moved to 3 different countries on 3 different continents in less than a year so things have been a little hectic. However, I'm staying put in France for the next couple of months so I should be posting a bit more frequently. A word of warning though - most of my posts will probably be bitter rants about all the games I'm missing, starting with Carmelo and AI's debut together and the Saints-Bears, Pats-Colts games this weekend. I'm dying. It doesn't help that 99.9% of the Americans I've met in France have no interest in sports, didn't know who Carmelo Anthony was, didn't know why I was referring to Isiah Thomas as le grand asshole, etc etc. Anyway, that's enough for today. I'm still recovering from watching 24. Curtis!!! Okay, I'm going to cry in my cafe au lait now.