Friday, December 31, 2004

A Very Vlade Christmas

This was my Christmas card last year and the inspiration for my Christmas Card posts this year. I hope everyone enjoyed them and had a wonderful holiday.

Now Happy New Year's Eve! As for me, I'm going to go see the Clippers and the Spurs tonight!! Timmy! Manu! Pop!! AHHHHHH!!!

Monday, December 27, 2004

Q and D: The Boppsey Twins

So at what point do we acknowledge the quasi-homoerotic relationship between Quentin Richardson and Darius Miles manifested in their for-us-only headbop?

Just kidding. I'm not calling out Q or D. I'm calling out that headbop. I mean really, what is going on here???

Is this cute?

It was one thing when both Q and D were on the Clippers and it showed how tight they were. But now that Q's on the rise in Phoenix and D's...well, D's in Portland, it just makes me sad. I read on a review for The Youngest Guns DVD that Q and D don't talk that much anymore. (Brandy. Slut.) That was after the initial shock of actually seeing a DVD on Q or D. But beyond that, the headbop just looks stoopid stupid. Minus the millions of $$$, the muscles, and the skillz, this is what the headbop truly looks like:

It ain't pretty.

So until Q and D are doing their Jay and Silent Bob thing again, NO MORE HEADBOP!

See, it really does exist.

Link to article on The Youngest Guns:

Sunday, December 26, 2004

NBA Coach I Love: Don Nelson

3 reasons why I love Nellie:

1. Named his son Donn instead of Don so that he wouldn't be a "Junior"

2. Has the best Buddha Belly in the league

3. Has the best, most consistent response to bad calls/calls he doesn't like (hands on hips, Buddha Belly out, face enraged). The Rasheed Wallace of coaches if you will.

3a. Who else can get himself kicked out 93 seconds into a game? C'mon!

After Mark Cuban fires him for that little idget Avery Johnson, I think Nellie should remake himself as the John Madden of the NBA. He already has the look and the coaching pedigree. Plus he's funny as hell and, more importantly, willing to laugh at himself. He's the most dynamic coaching personality in the league and it's about time he sells his soul to Nintendo and is immortalized in Nellie 2005 for PS2.

How could you not love this man??

He even makes a Brick Wall laugh.

C'mon Cuban - make one of your patented "Nash isn't worth that much"/"Van Exel for Jiri Welsch" moves and fire Nellie so we can get this ball rolling.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Chris: King of Kings for the Night


Chris Webber hit the game winning 3!

All you haters in Michigan and LA, yes you read that sentence right and hell didn't freeze over either. (Oh by the way, did you happen to catch the Sonics-Lakers game? :) Anyway back to the winning Cali team, the Kings and the Bucks were tied with 3.4 seconds left in the 4th. Like Game 7 of the Twolves playoff series last year, in a team that includes proven - beyond proven - 3 point shooters (Peja, Bibby), the ball goes outside the arc to...C Webb???

I just bent over at that point. The faces of my Michigan relatives saying "I told you so" danced in my head.

But...NOT THIS TIME! I am so thrilled for Chris. He's been called every name in the book, blamed for everything outside Indy but he keeps chuggin along...on one knee to boot. All we can say now is:

Take a bow, Chris, take a bow. Or skip if you prefer. Whatever floats your boat.

One sidenote though: Now I can point to at least two occassions where Chris was given the ball beyond the arc(!) - instead of the 2 time 3-point champion(!!) and Mike "Crunch Time" Bibby(!!!) - with the game on the line(!!!!). If he refers to the team as anyone else's but his again, I swear I'm gonna kick him in the kneecap...the good one!!!!!

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Jackie Christie: Crazier than Anna Nicole or Just Misunderstood?

For those of you unfamiliar with Mrs. Jackie Christie, let me fill you in. If you think Ron Artest can generate some bad publicity and controversy, wait til you meet Jackie Christie. I'm sorry but I have to refer to her by her full name lest anyone think she's not married to Doug Christie, Sacramento Kings, in which case she may whup yo' ass! I could probably devote a whole website to her and her crazy-ass/simply misunderstood antics, but that would probably take the rest of my life.

Most people were introduced to JC (I can't keep typing that whole name out) during a preseason Kings-Lakers game in 2002 at the height of their rivalry. During the playoffs in June of that year, the Kings were standing at the door of the Finals, literally right there, and then the 3 in Game 4. Fucking Robert Horry. Instead of going back to Sac up 3-1, the Kings ended up 2-2 and eventually lost the series. Well at the preseason exhibition game in October, Rick Fox and Doug Christie got into it on the floor. Balls were thrown (both literally and figuratively) and both Fox and Christie were kicked out of the game.

Here's the thing, if you look at it from a fight aspect, Doug clearly whupped Rick's ass. Please like it's that hard. If Vanessa Williams could do it... Anyway, instead of going back to his locker room, Fox ran behind the stands toward the Kings' tunnel and put Doug in a headlock. Jackie - the omnipresent figure that she is - jumped up out of her seat and started hitting Rick with her purse. Both benches emptied - actually only Shaq got up for Rick, the entire Kings bench got up for Doug. How surprising Kobe wasn't there. The only time he has people's backs is right before he's about to stab them in it. Anyway, despite the fact that Doug proved himself on the court, the fact that his wife got up and tried to help him...well, that was all the ammo Shaq and sportswriters needed. And thus the legend of Jackie Christie was born.

Since then, everyone's paid attention to the Christies' relationship and started noticing things that were...odd. Doug did (and still does) these hand signals after every shot, rebound, assist, breath, step. They are signals to his wife telling her "he loves her." Now most girls would say "Awww" to that except the fact that JC has alienated every female out there who isn't her own flesh and blood. JC doesn't let any woman - child, adult, single, married - near her husband. Sometimes she'll let a female reporter interview Doug but she better be RIGHT THERE holding his hand, watching like a hawk. Some women who worked for the Kings actually filed a lawsuit against them and the Christies because they claimed they were "wrongfully terminated" because of JC and the fact that she's a crazy ass, jealous bitch. Now I don't know if those were the exact words in the court document, but I'm just summarizing for you. The suit had some merit b/c JC didn't like and thus barred female staffers from the Kings locker room where her hubby might not have his shirt on and you know, girls might just lose control and start throwing themselves at him.

One valid point she has though is that infidelity is as prevalent in bball as the refs are. Even Saint MJ had paternity suits brought against him. Gold-diggers and just straight up skanks prowl the games, the hotels, and the clubs. JC's defense at all times is protecting her marriage and her family. In that sense, really how is she any different from Anna Benson? (Anna Benson is the former stripper/model - aren't they all - who was named by FHM as the Hottest Wife in Baseball. In the article, she said if her husband ever cheated on her, she would sleep with his entire team - the Mets - including players, coaches, groundskeepers, janitors, anyone she could find and she would also sleep with all of his opponents.) Now just think, if Anna Benson would do that, what do you think them hos still trying to land their Kobe would do?

And so the saga of Jackie Christie goes on. I'll write more later but I think you need to digest all this first or else you'll just say I'm making this up; unless of course you've been privy to the hand gestures, the beeline for each other after the buzzer sounds, the weddings they put on every year to celebrate their marriage...I mean it just goes on and on. Oh and if that weren't enough, Ms. Thang HAS HER OWN WEBSITE! When I saw the link, I was like Naw, it's too good to be true. But it's real! See it for yourself and decide, Jackie Christie: Crazy or Misunderstood?

PS. The heart logo on her website is also the tattoo that Doug and Jackie have on their hands. Matching tattoos and everything. Seriously, it just goes on and on.

Thursday, December 9, 2004

NBA Mom I Love: Shirley Garnett

I love Kevin Garnett's mom! When KG got his MVP trophy during the playoffs last year, she was standing there clapping and wiping away tears. Even without a huge "I'M KG'S MOM!" sign, anyone watching could easily have picked her out of the crowd of 20,000. She was the proudest woman in the room that night and it was really really sweet. And then there was the classic Beyond the Glory episode. When she found out KG was playing ball behind her back instead of studying, she marched down to the gym and mouthed "I'm gonna kick yo' ass." Awesome.

Saturday, December 4, 2004

Oh no they didn't!

This is an example of how to get yo' ass immediately banned from the Top 5. In case you couldn't read the front of Shane Battier's shirt-thing, it says "Batti-man." GOOD GOD! Ah least I got a good laugh. And then laughed some more. Oh and there's more where that came from...there are like 3 more pictures of them in various but equally cheesy poses. No wonder they were SWEPT in round ONE of the playoffs. I think we should send every team a copy of these pictures right before they play them. It's a bird! It's a plane! No it's Pow and Batti-man!! Game over.

Sidenote: Check out Pau's - I'm sorry, POW!'s - huge zit on his cheek. They got him to wear red and yellow spandex. Couldn't they convince him to put on a little concealer???