I'm shocked. No, seriously. Dubya missed a chance to use 9/11 yet again?! Truly shocking. And where was Laura? C'mon Dubya. You telling me you couldn't take Laura out of her cryogenic chamber for one day to show some love to NYC? Then again, considering our esteemed executive's preternatural ability to obfuscate and offend, his not showing up was probably the smarter choice. Actually, Dubya probably saw all the foreign names on the IOC and thought it was just another one of those pesky UN meetings he's always avoiding. Moving on...
London and Paris, the two frontrunners for the 2012 games, brought out the big guns. In addition to both their leaders showing up in Singapore, they also trotted out the two most current, internationally renown athletes in their arsenal:
The French delegation even presented a video directed by Luc Besson and starring Catherine Deneuve. The American delegation on the other hand...
We showed up with Bloomberg, a $5 t-shirt, and a candy bar. Actually, we didn't even bring the candy bar.
No, we sent more than just a shirt off the street. We sent Senator Hillary Clinton and an athletic contingent including Nadia Comaneci (Romanian) and Oksana Baiul (Ukrainian). What a wonderful message to send to the IOC: Give us the Olympics. New York's such a great city that all the world's athletes will want to turn their backs on their home countries and live here instead!
Still as bad as we did, at least we got Muhammad Ali there, too. Madrid and Moscow, on the other hand... Madrid sent Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario, a tennis player whose name no one can pronounce, and Moscow sent these fine specimens of physical achievement:
Should we just start practicing how to say "Let the games begin" in French now? I believe the correct translation is "Haha tout le monde."