Together Again

First, Shaq and Kobe reunited at the All Star Game. Then, it was Angelina and Aniston at the Oscars. Now, and with much less drama, Conan and Andy will be back together on NBC! Can Andy still be naked at 11:35pm or will that be Jimmy Fallon's domain now? *Shudder*

The Mailman Does Not Deliver on TNT

Karl Malone was a guest host on Inside the NBA this week and his appearance was magic. As in The Magic Hour. Since Karl loves to hunt so much, let's use a hunting analogy. If Ernie, Kenny, and Charles are decorated marksmen, Karl Malone is Dick Cheney. He might as well have shot Ernie in the face.

When asked about the coaching carousel in the NBA, Karl started talking about Marc Iavaroni and without finishing his point, leapfrogged to Jerry Sloan going to Illinois to hunt. When Ernie asked him if he still kept in touch with John Stockton, Karl talked about how John was the godfather to one of his kids and then how they should have showed John's statue in front of the EnergySolutions Arena. He'd ramble on and on about something and then just kind of stop. There'd be a momentary pause while Ernie figured out if Karl was going to finish his point or not, and then Ernie would bring everyone back with an "Okaaaay..."

I don't know how much longer TNT is going to punish Charles and by extension us, the viewers, but in case this suspension results in more appearances by the Mailman, I feel a quick workshop is in order. Here we go:

How to Be a Studio Analyst: A Hunter's Guide

Before you begin speaking/shooting, you must find a point/target.
You are the gun and your words are your bullets.
Pretend your point is the defenseless little animal you love to kill.
Track it, determine its path before you start shooting off at the mouth.
Don't let the point get away from you.
Focus.
When you have the point in your sights, shoot.
You don't need to spray buckshot all willy-nilly.
That's how random old men get shot in the face.
Use only the amount of bullets that are necessary.
When you're finished, the point will be done as well.
Time to move on.

Repeat the steps above or give someone else a turn.

Please, TNT. Give Charles another turn. Yes, he went from Blackjack to BJs but hey, at least he wasn't photographed hitting the bong! The Moral Majority Minority have moved on to Michael Phelps. Now is the perfect time to bring Charles back under the radar. An All-Star Weekend without the Chuckster but with G-E-I-C-O? Say it ain't so.

What's Stronger Than Oak?

Not me, not you, and not Charles Barkley.

Charley Oakley was on PTI yesterday looking fit and scaring the crap out of everybody. I will never question his physical ability again. His mental health, maybe, but his physical ability never.

Here are some of the highlights from his interview:

• "If somebody call me, I'm ready to go at any time."
• When Mike Wilbon referred to Charles Barkley's quote about old guys thinking about coming back - People forget why these guys retired in the first place is because they weren't good anymore. - the Oak got a gleam in his eye and responded with, "He talk more now, he ain't said nothing when he played the game...He couldn't come back, right now. He's about 450. When he see me, we'll talk about that personally me and him. When he hears this interview, he'll know. When I see him, he gonna go the other way."
• About what he can bring to a team: "I can bring a lot to a team. Just my presence. I didn't win a championship but I've been to the Finals. I've been around great players who played the game. (Cue video of him with Michael Jordan.) Great coaches. I can bring a lot of influence. And that's what a lot of teams need - detail. You know, like a car wash. Manicure." Then he said something about a flower bed. I think he was still talking about a car wash.
• "I can at least make 28 of the 30 teams."
• Then, Tony got to the real possible reason of Oak's sudden desire to come back - he's writing a book. When Tony asked if Oak's return was because of his book, Oak responded, "Mmm, it's gonna be my whole career. I'm missing a couple chapters. I think Barkley just took one. If I don't come back, I'm gonna finish the book soon."
• Back to Barkley, Oak said he'd give him a car wash, but won't clean out his car because of all the donut boxes in the back.
• Of Reggie Miller: "He's a pioneer to the game. He's a class act, but he dress like Pee Wee Herman." (Cue photo of Reggie in a skinny gray suit.)
• Finally, Tony and Mike asked Oak to assess his chances of actually playing in the NBA next season. Oak gave it a "6 or 7. You never know."

If Oak comes back, who do you think he would slap first? More so than Orlando, I think Dallas needs him. Finally, Avery would have a player as tough as he is. And we might finally see Mark Cuban get slapped, especially if he wears his Dancing with the Stars costume to a game. Yeah, we need Oak back in the League.

Game 4: Team USA vs Brazil

Look who's waiting for you, Leandro!

Tonight at 6pm PST (early!):
Team USA vs Brazil
ESPN2

Update: Actually, it's NOT starting at 6pm because of a WNBA game. Sorry! Seriously, are you kidding me?

Update #2: Okay, the score is 8-0 so we haven't missed much, but just as I hate to miss the previews before movies, I don't like missing the beginnings of games!

Update #3: The crowd is chanting "Kobe." Is it too late to switch back to the WNBA game?

Update #4: :)

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Art Imitating Life

Rick Fox is getting ugly, as in Ugly Betty, a great show I discovered a whole 2 months ago. Next, I'll hear that Pluto is no longer a planet. Can you tell I have my finger on the pulse? I didn't realize that when I moved to France, I'd be moving back in time. Just kidding. Kind of. :)

I actually had one of the best experiences of my life living in France and I'd highly encourage it to anyone with even a modicum of interest. I never understood players who thought playing overseas was a death sentence. Yeah, it's not the NBA and you don't make NBA money, but you can really make a nice life for yourself. Look at Mike D'Antoni, Joe Bryant, and Tony Parker, Sr. I'm loathe to agree with anything Stephon Marbury says, but I totally see his point about moving to Italy after his NBA days are over...except for the whole David Beckham analogy. Who you kidding, Steph?

Anyway, how did I get on this topic? What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Rick Fox. His ex-WAG, Ms. Wilhelmina Slater herself, took pity and got him a role as her bodyguard for the upcoming season. It's nice to know that all pro-athlete marriages don't end with the scorched earth policy preferred by the likes of Joumana Kidd and Jean Strahan.

Source
Photo Source: Wire Image