Cojones*

Slam has a fantastic article by John Krolik on the rightful heir to Sam Cassell's testicle dance. (The only adjective I can think of to properly describe the dance is 'singular,' but somehow 'singular testicle dance' just sounds wrong...and misleading.) Thus far, only Kobe and Andre Iguodala have been brazen enough to show off their cojones (Andre in front of the one and only Sam I Am). Kobe broke out the dance again tonight after a late basket against the Jazz, but like the last time against the Spurs, Lakers lost. Last time, Roger Mason, Jr. answered back with a testicle dance of his own. This time, Mehmet Okur answered back with what can only be characterized as the Jonas version of Sam's dance. I'm trying to find a clip of it, but the only video of the game on YouTube cuts off before the end.

My vote is for Roger Mason, Jr. Sam had a swagger disproportionate to his position on the NBA totem pole. Roger Mason - 2nd rounder, journeyman - has the same outsized bravado.

Krolik dismisses Manu as a possible heir, saying:

I’m pretty sure Manu thinks the dance means “I have accumulated a lot of change and am unsure what to do with it, so for the moment there is much change in my pockets, which I find unwieldy.”

This can also describe Mehmet's dance. Check out the other potential heirs apparent here.

*Quick note to my very white friend, Jay. Cojones is not pronounced 'co-jones,' which is what I know you were saying in your head. It's Spanish and therefore pronounced 'co-ho-nez.'

Kobe Bryant, "Genus"

Spike Lee was interviewed after Kobe's 61 at MSG the other night and he said, "You don't have to be Albert Einstein...You can have genuses in sports, too." I rewound my DVR 5 times to make sure I heard it correctly. I did.

Hey Big Spender

According to TMZ, Kobe dropped $21,000 at Blush, a new club at the Wynn, on Friday night. This wasn't a display of magnanimity, but rather a good old-fashioned pissing contest between Kobe and poker player Antonio Esfandiari. It all started when Esfandiari paid for two bottles of Cristal. What nerve! TMZ reports,

"Kobe wasn't about to be shown up by some puny little card player -- and kicked in for five bottles. Antonio, who's used to upping the ante, then switched his order to ten! Kobe ended the competition when he purchased an astounding 15 bottles -- and then left the club!"

No wonder Esfandiari is called The Magician. He magically made $35,000 disappear. It's moments like these that make me really appreciate Micky Arison. Despite his net worth being worth more than the salaries of all the players in the League combined, his flashiest adornment is his tan...and maybe the 2006 NBA Championship ring. Just goes to show that you can't buy taste.

Photo Source: TMZ

Kobe Clarifies Questions About Wife

Yes, she can read. At a 5th grade level no less!

Further dispelling rumors that he and Vanessa are headed for divorce, Kobe told Jimmy Kimmel their fights are actually about rape Harry Potter. She reads the books, he watches the movies, she then tries to spoil the movie. Would that I could be a fly on the wall during those discussions.

While Kobe was busy showing that he's a big nerd who names his dog Dumbledore (Mamba my ass! More like Dumbledork), Kimmel showed his complete lack of soccer knowledge. When Kobe said his favorite athlete was Ronaldinho, Kimmel first responded "who?" before asking if he was retired. Seriously, even Posh knows who Ronaldinho is. Then again, it might just have been the way Kobe said it. He tried the whole I-can-speak-a-foreign-language accent. Whatever, Madonna. You can watch it here. Meanwhile, Kimmel-ites can watch the one and only Ronaldinho here.

Manners, Highlights Style

Gallant vs. Goofus

What's different about these pictures?

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

The Big Aristotle Strikes Again

Two things you can count on Miami games for:

1. Randy Moss sightings (How cute does he look in his braces?? Okay, yeah, we'll discuss how I'm always attracted to the wrong guy in another post.)

2. The most "quotatious" quotes in the league.

This one comes from Shaq Daddy and shows he's evolved into a thinker of Maureen Dowd-ian proportions. Asked about the difference between Penny Hardaway, Kobe Bryant, and Dwyane Wade in the New York Post:
"The difference between those three is in 'The Godfather' trilogy. One is Fredo, who's never ready for me to hand it over to him. One is Sonny, who will do whatever it takes to be the man. And one is Michael, who, if you watch the trilogy, the Godfather hands it over to Michael. So I have no problem handing it to Dwyane."

Lebron James may have Nike, Sprite, SI, and Bubblicious, but Dwyane Wade's getting the biggest endorsement of all AND a trip to the Finals. Plus comparing him to Michael Corleone, aka Al Pacino, aka Scarface = INSTA street cred (something the Golden Boy formerly known as Kobe Bryant exponentially lacked). I mean have you seen an episode of Cribs??? Who doesn't have Tony Montana on his wall? (Answer: white people.)

Flash Corleone, the keys to the kingdom are yours for the taking. Now don't go around rapin' nobody. Allegedly.