More KG Trade Aftermath: The Saddest Person...

...is the one left behind.

Mark "Mad Dog" Madsen, the ultimate of sidekicks, the pet to two of the biggest alpha dogs in the league - Shaq Daddy and KG - is now looking for a new owner teammate to support.

He started off his blog by saying, "Today I got the unimaginable news that Kevin Garnett was traded to the Boston Celtics." He recounts some fond KG memories before wishing him well and going off to cry in the corner.

People, we must act soon. Guys like Mark Madsen can only exist so long as they have someone to cheer, support, and love and who will, in return, tolerate them back. He only exists by association!!! We need to get a superstar to Minny STAT or else send him somewhere like Phoenix. Hey Peta, this Dog needs a home!

Now Introducing Kevin Garnett, Red Sox Fan

Celtics fans, it's okay to like Kevin Garnett. He's a Red Sox fan. Or rather, a Red Sox hat fan. Now that that's clear, we may actually be able to talk about basketball in Boston.

At the press conference introducing KG, Danny Ainge went out of his way to clearly delineate KG's loyalties. After Kevin was asked why he decided to let the trade happen, Ainge said,

"The real reason he didn't tell you, is that he has a Red Sox baseball hat collection. He has a tough time wearing those except when he comes to Boston so now he can break out his Red Sox hat collection. He is a big time Red Sox baseball fan."

What a relief. Now just so there's no confusion, Kevin Garnett is a Red Sox baseball fan. And he likes Boston. After his Red Sox comments, Ainge continued with his KG-loves-Boston tirade:

"There was a lot of reports out there of KG not wanting to come to Boston...Those are all false reports. There was a team or two that he liked better than our situation...It had nothing to do with the city of Boston in any way, shape, or form...All the reports out there were false."

Translation: Boston media, be nice to KG.

Photo Source: AP

Drinkin That Gatorade

Joakim's next...

Good Guys in the NBA is Not an Oxymoron

Here are two examples of that:

In Buenos Aires, Manu held a clinic for mentally handicapped children. And in Portland, Channing volunteered at Friends of the Children, a mentoring organization. How adorable are those kids! And there's nothing sweeter or more attractive than seeing grown men interacting with children. Good job, boys!

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Rookies '07

The rookies gathered yesterday in Greenwich, Connecticut for some NBA Live '08 and the Rookie Photo Shoot. Here are some who stood out.

I've always wondered - if the incoming rookie is clearly the best player on the team, does he still get hazed? Did Lebron ever have to pick up towels or carry all the equipment to the plane? And who's the worst hazer in the NBA? I'm thinking Shaq...or maybe Kobe. I think Shaq would be the most fun and make you do the silliest things. Kobe seems like he'd make you walk to Brooklyn to get him a cheesecake...from LA. I need to check this out.

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

The Man Who Chases Paparazzi (Hint: Not Kevin Federline)

So guess who decided to join the Michael Vick fray?

Al Sharpton signed a Peta letter that said, "Hurting animals for human pleasure or gain is despicable." What about hurting people for your own gain??? Correct me if I'm wrong, but has he apologized to the Duke lax players yet? Didn't that teach him to keep his sizable trap shut until all the evidence is in?

By the way, Al, you know what sports fans hate the most? People who jump on the bandwagon! So please, jump off and fuck off.

Ass.

Manners, Highlights Style

Gallant vs. Goofus

What's different about these pictures?

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Double Asterisk?

Poor Spurs. When did they become the Barry Bonds of the NBA?

First, Phil Jackson says their 1999 championship should have an asterisk because it happened during the lockout shortened season. Now, in light of Tim Donaghy's bumblings, Suns fans want yet another asterisk placed on a Spurs championship.

I feel for Suns fans, really I do, but I'm sort of over this whole Donaghy thing already. He's an addict who lost control. It happens. Look at Lindsay Lohan. I would hardly call him a "rogue criminal" as if he's some mastermind on par with Kim Jong-Il. Half-a-mind is a more accurate description. If anything, Donaghy is now forcing the NBA to really look at a problem that existed before him and needed to be addressed. Now it is. Let's move on and let the CIA, FBI, and whomever else David Stern has on staff deal with everything else. By the way, I love how Bill Simmons is being hailed as some sort of NBA Nostradamus. He listed the names of the officials of a game he felt was badly officiated - something he's done in the past - but because one of the names listed was Donaghy, he's apparently now a genius. He's about as prescient as Miss Cleo. Now if Bennett Salvatore is ever implicated for game fixing, I'll pay for Simmons's infomercial myself.

Anyway, we just have to accept the fact that the Spurs are a propitious team. (Chance favors the prepared mind. -Louis Pasteur) Suns fans have to get in line behind '02 Kings fans who are still waiting behind '00 Democrats. Really, this is all Bush's fault. :)

The David Beckham Appeal: A Lesson for NBA Players

Dedicated to my gay boyfriend, who's listened to more than his fair share of rants about games, teams, and players of which he knows not, and who I've neglected in favor of Summer League. David Beckham is the one sports figure who we've been able to have a two-sided conversation about and for that, I am grateful and hopeful for the future. I may get him to a sporting event yet that doesn't involve men's gymnastics!

Team USA

The Best of the Best.

Kevin Durant: What can I say?? He's going to leave the League better than he found it.

Tyson Chandler: Was he always this hot?

Dwight Howard: I was always kind of upset that he went #1 over Emeka - seriously, the most beautiful man alive - but he's proven himself worthy of the pick and more. His physique is ridiculous and he's grown into quite The Man. His arms are the best in the biz right now.

First game: August 22nd, against Venezuela

Photo Source: NBAE/Getty Images

Hey Peta, China: Calm the Fuck Down!

Hey Roger Goodell, David Stern: Grow a pair!!

In the media maelstrom following Michael Vick's dog fighting indictment, I'm sure everyone from sponsors to executives to his momma have proffered their advice to the NFL commissioner. While he should take most of them under advisement, one opinion that shouldn't really figure into his decision is Peta's. Seriously, why is everyone stressing about what Peta has to say or what Peta is going to do?? Why is Trey Wingo on ESPN discussing Peta's reaction? Who the fuck cares, especially a network whose existence was, I'm sure, unknown to Peta before they started getting some press. Why is ESPN and the mainstream media legitimizing a protest by a group that is usually preoccupied with terrorizing the wardrobes of 100-pound women? Yes, animal rights are important and dogs shouldn't be abused for sport, but we can figure this out without Peta's input. So can the NFL and Arthur Blank and everyone else not in Michael Vick's entourage. Allegedly.

The NFL and the Falcons organization should take a page from Jean Paul Gaultier's playbook. When Peta protesters stormed the stage and tried to upstage his fashion show, Gaultier had security cover them with fur coats before taking them offstage. Genius. Now let's see if Roger Goodell has enough ingenuity and courage to take on a rabid non-fan base as a 55-year-old gay designer.

Similarly, David Stern needs to take a stand against another fascist group: China. Especially in light of Tim Donaghy's Jose Canseco-like effort to take down the NBA, David Stern needs to re-establish who really runs his league. Is he really going to allow Chinese officials to dictate where a just drafted player plays?? Only Kobe does that! The Commish should just tell China and Yi Jianlian to fuck off. Who needs whom more? The NBA will survive just fine without Yi. Yi, on the other hand, will become a forgotten footnote - a poor forgotten footnote - without the NBA and the millions and millions it has to offer.

So come on, men. Step up. Oh and let 'Sheed finish what he started.

On a Happier Note...

"Me and Mickey Mouse are going to be here forever!"
-Dwight Howard

Happy Birthday, Gisele! Love, Bridget

With all the hoopla over England's original WAG moving to the States, I started thinking about who is the ultimate WAG. Some candidates that came to mind were:

• Eva "I'm not Bridezilla" Longoria
• Vanessa "I forgive anything for some bling bling" Bryant
• Joumana "I will not only take down my husband but also the entire Nets organization" Kidd
• Jean "I will take EVERYTHING including my husband's masculinity" Strahan
• Jackie (No further explanation necessary) Christie

However, the one that superseded all other contenders in all other sports and raised the bar for future WAGs everywhere is none other than the outwardly wholesome Bridget Moynahan. The Queen Bee, as she will now be known, not only announced she was pregnant by her previously untarnished golden boy ex-boyfriend soon after he started dating the world's richest model, but she also retained her virtuous image and made him look like the bad guy for wanting to date the ultimate male fantasy. But the topper, the ultimate FUCK YOU to both Tom and Gisele...Her baby is due today, Gisele's birthday. You think that might cause a little rift between a couple? Jennifer Aniston is somewhere crying about how Bridget got all the karma in the world.

So let's check the scoreboard here:

• Bridget got the baby she always wanted, fathered by the guy she wanted, and she managed to look like the victim in the process.
• Tom got the supermodel he wanted, but forever shattered his perfect image. Forget his future political aspirations, his current image is what he needs to be thinking about. I'm sure Boston fans would have wholeheartedly forgiven him his baby-mama drama and welcomed him back with open arms, but...BUT...he wore a Yankees cap!!!!!!!! In public!!!!!!!! Yet another point for Bridget as Tom has seemingly lost his mind.
  

All Bridget needs to do is write a hit song about this and she'll be on par with Justin Timberlake on Bill Simmons's Vengeance Scale. So while we ponder Tom's once providential fate - seriously, Tom, what's going on with you?!?!? - we can only lift our glasses to the Queen as she awaits the arrival of her son on Gisele's birthday.

Fashion Flash

One of the reasons why I loved David Lee's shirt was that it was so unassuming. That's a trait I love about Dwyane Wade as well, which is evidenced here, here, and here.

Even though be was a burgeoning superstar, he never seemed to buy into his own hype.

However, at the BET Awards on June 26th, Dwyane wore a white blazer emblazoned with a flash, his Shaq-given moniker.

Now I don't know whether that was a one time hey-wouldn't-it-be-cool thing, but hopefully, it's not the start of something similar to Shaq stamping the Superman logo on anything and everything he owns. Don't get me wrong, I love Shaq, but Shaq is so uniquely his own charmingly constructed persona that to attempt to duplicate it just doesn't work.

That being said, I can't wait to see Dwyane at the ESPYs. And hopefully, he still doesn't have an entourage.

Everybody Wants to Be Like Lebron

Originally meant to be posted 2 weeks ago. My bad.

Basketball and politics are two subjects I'm passionate about -- I majored in poli sci and spent the majority a fair amount of time watching basketball -- but it's not often, especially in the Michael Jordan era, that these two topics merge. Well, leave it to the man currently bringing divergent groups of people together to bring these two topics together, too.

In a new book by David Mendell, Barack Obama is quoted at the 2004 Democratic National Convention saying,

"I'm Lebron, baby. I can play on this level. I got some game."

Initially, my reaction was just to chuckle...or is it giggle...Do girls chuckle? Anyway, the more I thought about it, the more prescient I found his statement to be. Remember, this was back in '04 when nobody outside of Illinois and the Democratic cognoscenti knew who Barack Obama was. He was a rookie senator about to take the national stage for the first time, as keynote speaker, no less! He was unproven but well hyped. Since then, you can say he's officially made the Leap, raising $32.5 million in one quarter and surpassing his rivals by at least $10 mil. Now the question remains: which Lebron will Barack be?

• Season 3 Lebron - He'll get a lot of press, make a lot of money, and be thisclose to reaching the next level, but he'll ultimately fail to make it out of the primary round.
  
• Season 4 Lebron - He'll demolish his Democratic rivals but get crushed by the behemoth from Texas.
• Season 5 Lebron???? - Perhaps President Obama will inspire his inspiration.

By the way, I'm still torn between Barack and Hillary.